Aug 2015

Examined Thoughts of Living

Examined Thoughts of Living

Examined Thoughts of Living

Sharp pain in my tail
As it twists around
The places you leave
And return to claw
From an inside I want
You to curl into instead
Into me to tie me on
A stick and drag me
To follow against me
Pulling me apart with
The place I am keeping me
Despite the force of your world
I close my eyes to
Find all holds gone and
Into the swallow of
Shedding the dead girl
You took for your own
I run back to my
Own arms to hold me
Where only the trail of
Warm stars carve
Dust into my spirit's
Becoming a spin under
My breath for their
Light in the Lilith of night
I hold my sun under
My breasts to glitter
The steps that are always

There, between my blinks
Of which world was dreams
I've waited on the inside
As my own masks to me
Melted my who-I-was
With tall versions straight
To fire eruptions into sun
Softened by my unknown love
From behind all that shined
Never as scary there as
Mother, I thought hidden
She didn't hide in me as I
Feared becoming and instead
Eased into little bursts
Of better me there
All along because of you
Pushing and changing to be
Molded into what I saw once
Because you said that was
You underneath your father
So I faced him too many
Times for glimpses of your
Soft, and you've managed
To stay with him no longer
At bay, just gone in
Sometimes mumbles of
Boy surviving the world
Without a monster to face it
Only the bravest of your truth now

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A Door For Two

A Door for Two

A Door For Two

A shared place
Perhaps a mind
Of fire and together
Where we each go
To feel the other(')s
Essence of something
That could be, but
Healing makes the circle
Of never really starting
Real are the characters
Deeper that I've gone
Only being what could be
Freezing all avenues wrong-way
Do I always feel in there
As my sight is elsewhere
And the knowing is instant
To changes either, makes
Healing the multiple directions
To the most lovable
Perhaps filled with validation
Proving footsteps with footprints
A place to learn a never-before
Concept of thinking into
A donation of anyone with close enough
Instead of old habits
Laughing at a pain
Feel warm throughout
As you practice
Keeping me and filled with fun

Inside there
You heard my laughter
With your own actions
And inside your hands
That could be real focus
How easy I can take life
Full of eager moments
I've designed
Or you could ‘trigger’
(A better way to see that word
As better games could be
That involve two
Instead of one upon
Another's feelings)
With hunger to drive me
Instead of a good blinding
Sharing is abundance
And openness is where
My stories can hide
And amuse with the
Strength of my vulnerability
Becoming a welcome
Inviting into an arena
You never stood before
And there in all those peeks
You know you want this
Real, authentic creativity
Into the wings of fertility
Like rabbits in your works

Jumping in love and softness
Hearing beyond normal
Seeing into flattening
Into the ground unseen
Then fast into the light
In the dusk and into the dawn
Goals are prey in our talons
Becoming what is heard in
Multi-dimensions, and every layer
As well as path “could-of-taken”
To learn from while not taking it
Instead, the glowing trail
Can be picked like grapes
Hanging, offered to yard-birds
Food quenching a thirst
Beyond the grains on the ground
For everybody else
This, this WE
WE are more together
I am already more
Knowing how deeper love
Works when it starts
On my inside here
In the seed I gave there
Into the our-brain
You have keys to
With fantasy filling
Notebooks and lists
To be into the FLOW

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How I Feel in the Middle of Fighting Him

how i feel in the middle of fighting him

How I Feel in the Middle of Fighting Him

I want real with flesh and blood
This only of the mind and spirit
Is so much at me
It hurts to move this fast
And every disappointment is crushing
I want to accept his flaws
Because we can
Hold each other in silence
I want to know breaks
Can be because his
Call will come when he was done
I want me to be worth it to him
No matter how heavy the bags are
He carries
For him to let me
Take those off of him
Without them put upon me
I want him to send his
Secret messages of real pictures
To see as no one knows it is
For me
So I can wait if I still must
I don't want my feelings broke the same old
Selfish ways because
For him, it is just because
If he is this insensitive
When everything is on the line
How can I trust the small moments
Or an ever
I got that piece of barely anything
One step from nothing
And I foolishly asked for more
And I got more nothing instead
My patience here
As always in everything
Is warn to its bone
What am I
With this no more
I thought I wanted
To give him time
And did time only feed my delusion
Of his hard work
When such brushing off a dusting push
Breaks me to my knees of tears
Hurting is a sign
I trusted
So why did I
He doesn't know if
He can have me
As he reaches out with words
Of being frightened
He did that to me
But such is better than pain
So he still feels better than me
I hate the imbalance of him
Always feeling better than me
Power in his hands
Feelings dumped on me
And promises whispered
With the understanding they
Only might be kept
Even if it is weeks or
Months before another word
Be silent with the maybe's
And might's
Only say what you will
And then follow through
I only ever wanted
The smallest of gestures
But his perfection's mountain
Hangs over us mute
I find his pain left upon me
A bit more of a reason
To not feel anything
No excuse for making it worse
I want a man who
Will break such roles
Or never adopt them
I want his words for me and
No words to hide those words
I want heart felt
Without the weapons upon me
I wait for the path he's walked
To learn as long as he does not wander
Off it
To inflict upon me
He could be the knight that
Holds the sun
To call my warmth and shade
He has potential he wishes
I have upon him
I do not like that I am
Thinking of such
I only want my boundaries
Worshipped and entrance earned
No more
He does not have to
Be less for this
And he will love himself more
Because he loves me for these
Healthy boundaries for no one else
Ever loved enough to show him
Let us see if he can
Become what he wished
Then such a day could
Put his whispers close enough
To smell breath
Feel him so close as to
Kiss such pain that ever was
For us to be a story
Filling our pages are not enough
We must choose what stays
And what goes
We must mold the lines
For our characters to tell
And be
As I become what no pain upon me
Paints as he uses such medium
Only love can mold
Do his weights have to be
Completely clipped to reach out with
A message for me
Just me
To embrace me with
His words of
Has anyone ever held me
With those
Will he be this one that can
As I move toward
A maybe he can
He moves away to
Business as usual
No enterest in the mending
No real understanding
To respect my askings
Bruising the boundaries he refuses
As I remind him of his sacred
In here
Once he avoids
If panful enough
He could still become
If he does not keep awareness
Of the fears
And the truth on this calls him
To work on himself more
And with love
His sweetness lingered in
That moment of transition
He left in the air behind him
Passed epiphanies and revelations
He faced a choice
He made
Will he keep making for
The next step and the next step
As he wanders to calls alone in
His work
Alone is the path he
Goes for now
As he is somewhere on cloud
Looking down upon his pain
He understands the pain in
Those that lived there
And had inflicted
He forgives them for not being
As strong as he is
To not do the same that was done upon
The power in this place
He lets cloud fill him
Is a good place to heal
As this disagreement comes
Upon another
Would they choose a path
Like his or mine
The usual would be to lose love
And gain the quality hated
That was where the child within
Would have still focused
Loving more
Love them more
Loving self
Is the better way
It feels better and
Would lead to the better within
And to come
So chose better as I
Choose better as he
And better will be
Start with feeling better
Start with easier
Let go of what you do that's so hard
It is easy to love
Just love
Let go of resistance to
All that is not love
He keeps his path to heal
Because he allowed love back
I can wait
Because I allow myself to love
Even with guarded boundaries
I can love him still
I do
I love his soul
Then he comes forward
Because I meant more than
My request
With the smallest step that filled me
With his wishes of
Traveling spotlight upon me
Including him

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Can I Always

can i always

Can I Always

His thoughts as ghost
Yet life flows through him
Like red, hot blood of male
Feeling male
Trying to understand female and love her
I love him for existing
Is that enough to always feel such
And hold such
Will I heal him of
His fears of woman baggage
Will I rebuild how strong he
Already is because
I've helped the gutter leach
Accidentally fly
Can I be this for him, even if
There is a never
Even if it is an
if or a most likely
Stacked in the favor of
Can I be catalyst I was
Born to be
But for a deserving chemical boost
Such as like I think he is
Or may really be, in between
His other beingness
Will I stay this for him
In distance and in arms
Please let me walk closer to
Instead of always out of reach
Because too many, so many
Thought better of me for me
Based on their too many limitations
I love him
Can I stay there without it hurting
I love his light
And smile and eyes smiling
When mouth is in thought
I love the mind that calls me
But why does he not answer my requests
And if he stays not answering
Can I keep following to him
Because he saved my life
From chains in sleep
Does he deserve all the time
This is taking to spiral up
Can I love him, even when
Never becomes
Walking alone into
Who I am anyway
Will he live deep enough
To understand the swim
To my soul
Does he know he is upon stars
As I raise him higher
Will he know my love
Even if never knowing
Source of his fire
As he flies
Until old man in shadows
Calls his century
When crossing into such
Long life, long from now
Will he fly on this fire
Until he seems to live
Forever
Will he know my name
When carved on stone
As a one to always remember him
Does he already love me
As it walks the path with him
To that carved memory
Can I hold him that long
With only his whispers
In my moving days
Inside this multi universe
Of my sense of self
Inside my mind that can
Encompass this world
As love of me and path
Into warm boarders
Can I be beyond three scores
Of him inside me
When the time comes for
Other side, together or one at a time
Will he still come to be
Inside me as the lighter of
My light I hold in there
Where it is all the light
That loves a soul
All souls, my soul, his soul
Him lighting me up as I do
What a soul there does
Loves

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Her Wings Of Source


Her wings of source

Her Wings of Source


A world of where
A girl's soul never planned
To have bigger pain and
Bigger understanding as
The beautiful came
She sat in her gifts
Of peacock feathers
To wonder of the wings
That left them as her line
Of alignment understanding
Began
Remembered was the war
She thought she had for desire
To turn her psyche to weapons
As her intended refused the blows
For she was sent away into
Her own explosion
She remembered she was child
To learn Mother's wisdom
Of Mother never giving in
To her pull to destroy paths
She feared
Mother would walk them anyway
Mother learned despite her own
Matron missing from where
Grandmother scarred
Now she was blessed with
The love Mother had for herself
To give
Scars melted to beyond
Spirit light
She discovered when
She did not like and
Put conditions to fix
Before anything was likable
Was flawed as lesson began
That there was always a likable in her
A love she could have for herself
She listed her simple qualities
That remained
That she loved
And could not remember
Ever not loving as she did
How many the hours and days
She had planned
To destroy over
How many times she was still
Sent away to discover
To be liked and stood in anger
And hate and who could like
Gone now
She breathed a day
She wanted to remember instead
Then Mother thought of all the plans
Her daughter's soul made bigger
Enjoying the watching of child's
Self-discovering joy
She had made all by herself
Because she had to remember
The path that wasn't pain
Mother let go a little bit more
As her own girl's wings pretended
She was the peacock that rose
From the source of the Universe
It dwelled
Over her pets of chickens watching
And as the dragonflies
Gathered in meeting place
Where she would be to walk again
She found the overlapping of
Everything beautiful
That was asked and asked of
She glided her landing in home
She watched her magic
Lifted overhead like
Secondhand necklace
From stars
She went to sing as she
Cleaned up what chaos left behind
Building pockets of contemplation
There was the same magic
With an easier start
From Mother the night before
Before she resisted
And why was her questions she forgot
As the resistance was gone
No longer the wonder of
Self infliction
As her light bounced before her
Dance of seemingly normal day
Of cleaning her trail of dropped-behind
Would she keep remembering
Her Mother knew
And if she forgot
Would she remember, she did
She continued to find
The hunger of nutrients
To continue this walk
Described
Then she fears what
She will still feel
And interrupts Mother's words
For a question to run and hide
She wanted away from
The energy and forget
Mother was warm
She wants to remember to live
In the moment
And hid in the what-she-was-doing
With thoughts of what-to-do-next
Instead of the enjoying
Mother feels her and felt her
As Mother continues to be aware
When her girl wandered into the drowning
And coaxed her once again
To the footing under the sun
There, is where she remembers that
Was the best part
Was to wear the stars forgotten
And lift her arms
To her heart to call more
And the what, that is easy and easier

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