Mar 2016

Remedy Alone

Remedy Alone

Remedy Alone

What is poison, if swallowed or not
If in love with that monster
Whom am I to trust my own light
As I've exposed to find myself
Where he never was and I wandered
I found myself looking upon open
Grave I was dug into with dust
In my lungs, I crawled the air
To any mentor, to find my soul
Where I walked toward guardian
Snakes ate the poxes for my path
Swallowing demons whole, from him
If my very digestive tissue were
To become its own living being
For awhile, my friend would take
All of those heavy metals from me
Then what would the teacher I found
Appear to me there, or at all
As if like cards thrown to my fate
I found profilers real and fiction
Whether telling me in plot or facts
I found paintings of monsters
Of wounds I still mend in screams
Could anyone that played with such
Horrors, show me their own as well
And shall I ever touch such kind
As I become a whole spirit again
How safe are their fears I will trigger

If we shared notes, would my
Weaknesses be used on my strengths
As boundary bouncing tells me
To go my own way once again
Can such dances of those who could
Even begin to understand my complex
Be healed enough to swim along
Creative surges of more than catalyst
As projects and products could play
With such deep emotions buried
To be unburied, if such love touched
Would such a guide of my heart
Ever be in this life, after my demise
Risen from muck, not ashes as
Bile still bleeds from my innocence
Shall I keep this walk alone as
Business builds my lover in stories
As life says only in your head
Or if I tried in face of danger
To feel again for a man's heart
Would he be strong enough to be
Vulnerable in my life as I keep
Walking along my own awakening
Because I cannot trust their darkness
For the love of my self had left me
False in the arms of that monster
Who'd poison me again, if not shoot
Would they prey on my soul to
Just be the mate of my distrust

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Who Are You Now?

Who Are You Now

Who Are You Now?

Shall I find the level I want you
In just a list of words streaming
To loosen the lost you created
As I've learned my healthy distance
When you are in the middle of madness
To destroy your paths ruthlessly
Because you changed to irrational pains
As if they would save you when
They never had that duty
Can't you see it is what held you
Back, despite you've soared
Because where would your wings touch
If you didn't have your father’s pins
In each feather in perfect display
Of your puppet-string-anger
Should you pull them with one
Jerk and cut, to be freed of his
Wishes upon everyone you loved
Can you see that the bravery of
Every single responsible emotion
Can be freeing and any level of
Nevermind the multi-layered feelings
You've denied your notice of until
You checked each moment for
The complexity you now allow
And unfold under camera's watch
If there were an always audience
As your spirit witnesses your love
Always in the list, to hold onto

If love were really always there
What damage would you pull
To not feel it for a moment
Because the person you want to become
In my eyes, causes your rebellion
Into sabotage, into masochism
Yet, in the deepest of your self-
Inflicted pain, the love for me remained
Perhaps it is the rational mind of
My emotions and my compassion
Even when I feel a hundred feelings
I let go of control as they piled
I pulled away and felt the whole
Time I witnessed your screams
You did everything to put upon me
I did the favor to allow you your
Suffering to free your visions of
Who you really are and have been
Under the nailed pictures of you
Across your sight of your heart
Because Father knew the strength you
Held if it were revealed to you
Can you keep what you found
Naked before your reflection
With every emotion in your eyes
Of what you wish to show me
Can you make-up for the knives
You no longer own, to mend
These cuts still raw upon me

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Don't Hide What Needs Me

Don't Hide What Needs Me

Don't Hide What Needs Me

As you displayed the pain your father
Found in your play to hide unhealed
Into my own wounds to accept
I screamed I would only upon
Authentic and accountable to change
Into healing by the partial left
Upon you after the obvious pulled
Would you like to become even that
Mark of vile in your words chosen
As if one more time a place is marked
For me to bear you into existence
I shan't be this no matter promised
If leaks of Mother you scream
That your daddy hurt you and
You want to own your mythical child
Because underneath Father still owns you
My mother did this justification
That if her hands did not, she isn't
Beast in my head creating torture
It is my imagination she chains
My soul to her demon forces' whispers
Is this your own whispers
You can't seem to joke away
Could you take your father's plans
Out of what your children will know
If he were only a pox-maker
Would you carry the snakes
To eat his will upon you and
All his demon consorts too

What if a baby could be free
Of the torture you've unchained
What if I was equal to hold
A growing beautiful light
Into a world of hungry pain
This healed independence shall seed
Into blood of a being from you
Freer than the world before
If my mother and your father
Raped our psyche or our bodies
Would we be stronger released
From the breaking they wished
Because sealed in magic hearts
Are places to touch the universe
Finding more than reflections
In the link of catalyst-souls
As we are and our babies to be
If the same power grew my tubes
To form a new home for futures
To plant in my walls waiting
For all you've been building for
My moans to become from never
Your sighs along my breath
Can you find the miles to my
Form under covers of silk
To wear upon my door an invite
Because your soul's already been
To my room, wherever it roams
To my womb wherever's your home

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I Love You Still in Your Never-ed

I love you still in your never-ed

I Love You Still in Your Never-ed

I'm remembering to smell the jasmine
Like vines on your walls
Deciding to bloom when we spoke
Once, a year ago, it seems
About meeting soon, and never
As I prevented madness
And I rest now in my own love
Healing the webs I could be
Back as if it never left me
Are you on that same wind
Of light spring breezed flowers, lilacs
Do you still sit on your balcony
With wine and pots of budding
Clover to hunt for fairies again
Will my wings to your sleeping
Mend with promised dreams
Of all we could be as we said
As you once had to wait for another
I wait without choices or leaps of you
I surrendered to my stories and
Wave into a genius madness
Of forgetting yet remaining
Where my feet are because my world
Still holds my beautiful daughter
I remain here in her healing
Showing her I can be whole as
She helps me glue back my
Pieces from a monster devour
She lets me win my own heart

Did you roll in the covers of
My stories you thought I wanted
Out of you instead of you
Your skin and beating heart I
Desire in a future I've not reached
I turn to take a road of my own
Scents and wishes and capes
As I dance with scarves and
Little girl prances, I wonder if
You'd ever dance with us
Maybe each night as I again
Raise my stamina into what I
Could be in blinks and reaps
As I spring forth like the season
Hoping for your warmth instead
Could you hold me in the meadow
With our moans keeping snakes
At bay despite the bull it searches
Our wish would bring the birds
Like starling swirls along the
Pastures only badgers could
Wander, ready with every claw
Barren even seems to green a bit
When the rains come to fill our
Rivers under the mountains
Will you taste the melted waves
Or bathe in a stream we homed
Will you ever come to erase never
Into my forgetting of woes

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